Let the rehab begin!
No offense to anyone, but I really don't feel like writing tonight. It has been a long week and I need to go to bed (and I started late).
Gretchen was in a chair when I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 this morning. The TV was on (grrrrr...) to one of the morning fluff shows and there was some guy in gym shorts with electrodes all over his body flexing his muscles to play a drum set by remote control...this is news? Oh, wait, its the morning fluff. I turned off the TV, started a CD in my computer (Cecilia Bartoli again), and sat down next to Gretchen. She wasn't very talkative (it was 7:30 AM) so I talked a bit and we listened a bit.
While I was there the doctor came in and we talked about Gretchen and then we talked about music (he was going to be a violinist until he realized he might not be good enough to do more than eek out a living). We talked about her reaction to latex and how it might have caused her fever. He ended by saying that if she stayed in Erlanger he looked forward to discussing music with her.
Not long after I arrived at work I started getting calls about her moving to Siskin and before lunch they told me it would be around 3:00. I got there around 4:00 (same as yesterday) and they were just starting to move her.
Siskin is quiet at 4:00. Erlanger is never quiet. It will be good for Gretchen to have peace for a bit.
Rehab for Gretchen begins tomorrow morning. She will get 3 hours of rehab per day. I hope they wake her with plenty of time to get her brain in gear. Continue to pray for he strength and alertness.
And now to bed!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
August 30, 2012 - out of ICMU
Bet you never thought sitting was hard work!
I had a good visit with Gretchen on the way in to work. Not a lot but a little bit. I answered some email before she woke and then right as I was getting ready to leave she woke up so I stayed a few minutes more.
Once I got to the office I received a call from Siskin asking if I was still interested in having her there. I told the woman that ideally we would like to skip therapy all together but yes, Siskin is our goal. I told her that a case manager (not the one I dealt with at first) indicated that Gretchen might not be accepted by Siskin so I needed to have a backup plan. We talked a bit and she is beginning the paperwork to get Gretchen into Siskin when the time comes. Following that phone call I am wondering if that case manager that asked me to pick an alternate was pushing LifeCare (I asked for recommendations and she listed several LifeCare centers and then, as an afterthought, mentioned St. Barnabas (in such a way that indicated she didn't approve of that choice). Could be a coincidence, just seems odd.
Timing is everything! After work I was stopping by to see Gretchen and had just gotten out of the car when my phone rang. It was Gretchen's sister asking where I was and telling me they were about to move Gretchen out of the Intermediate Care Unit (IMCU). I told her that as soon as I could get to the elevator I would be up (this morning I trudged to the building but now I was making double-time with about 18 pounds of laptop and gear on my back). They were just finishing disconnecting Gretchen so that they could move her when I arrived (she is still hooked to a bunch of stuff and it takes a long time to unhook with the various alarms that go off). They put me to work lugging her charts - what do I look like, a Sherpa...oh, wait, with the pack on I probably did - and it was off to the 7th floor. I really like riding in the "staff only" elevators because in those elevators people exit to let a bed on, even if it isn't their floor.
Along the way I learned that Gretchen had just finished a stint of 3 hours sitting up in a chair. That may not seem like a lot to you desk jockeys out there but if you have been lying in bed for almost three weeks you will be whooped at the end of it. And Gretchen was. She talked to me for a bit and interacted with the new nurses (three of them were working as a team and they did a great job of situating Gretchen). We also discovered that she is probably allergic to latex because she was getting sores around the edges of the pads. I saw the sores and asked about it and they said the ones on her have latex so they ordered some without. I know that I had mentioned the latex allergy at least once but I guess it never made the chart (I even asked about the monitor pads in ICU...). Pray for her continued strengthening so that she is able to get up and do more!
Okay, what is a blog without a controversial post now and then (see, I really should have left this in GoogleDocs). It has been suggested that we follow James 5:14-15 and have the elders anoint Gretchen. This creates a quandary. I suspect our elders are hesitant about anointing for sickness and, if it were to be done, I believe the context indicates it should be the elders in authority over us (the elders of our congregation) so that rules out having someone else do it. Should we violate the authority of our elders for this (I won't stop someone from anointing Gretchen but unless my heart changes I won't ask for it either)? There are only two places in Scripture that I can find that reference anointing for healing, Mark 6:13 (the disciples cast out demons, anointed the sick with oil and healed them) and James 5:14-15 but there are many instances where people were healed without any mention of oil. Besides, James 5:15 clearly indicates that it is the prayer of faith that will save the sick (there is some discussion over whether "save" means heal or save).
So, I am comfortable believing that God will (or will not - I am trying to fully submit to his will in spite of my desires) heal Gretchen, regardless of whether or not she is anointed with oil. Am I right? Am I wrong? Pray for my wisdom (and continued strength).
I had a good visit with Gretchen on the way in to work. Not a lot but a little bit. I answered some email before she woke and then right as I was getting ready to leave she woke up so I stayed a few minutes more.
Once I got to the office I received a call from Siskin asking if I was still interested in having her there. I told the woman that ideally we would like to skip therapy all together but yes, Siskin is our goal. I told her that a case manager (not the one I dealt with at first) indicated that Gretchen might not be accepted by Siskin so I needed to have a backup plan. We talked a bit and she is beginning the paperwork to get Gretchen into Siskin when the time comes. Following that phone call I am wondering if that case manager that asked me to pick an alternate was pushing LifeCare (I asked for recommendations and she listed several LifeCare centers and then, as an afterthought, mentioned St. Barnabas (in such a way that indicated she didn't approve of that choice). Could be a coincidence, just seems odd.
Timing is everything! After work I was stopping by to see Gretchen and had just gotten out of the car when my phone rang. It was Gretchen's sister asking where I was and telling me they were about to move Gretchen out of the Intermediate Care Unit (IMCU). I told her that as soon as I could get to the elevator I would be up (this morning I trudged to the building but now I was making double-time with about 18 pounds of laptop and gear on my back). They were just finishing disconnecting Gretchen so that they could move her when I arrived (she is still hooked to a bunch of stuff and it takes a long time to unhook with the various alarms that go off). They put me to work lugging her charts - what do I look like, a Sherpa...oh, wait, with the pack on I probably did - and it was off to the 7th floor. I really like riding in the "staff only" elevators because in those elevators people exit to let a bed on, even if it isn't their floor.
Along the way I learned that Gretchen had just finished a stint of 3 hours sitting up in a chair. That may not seem like a lot to you desk jockeys out there but if you have been lying in bed for almost three weeks you will be whooped at the end of it. And Gretchen was. She talked to me for a bit and interacted with the new nurses (three of them were working as a team and they did a great job of situating Gretchen). We also discovered that she is probably allergic to latex because she was getting sores around the edges of the pads. I saw the sores and asked about it and they said the ones on her have latex so they ordered some without. I know that I had mentioned the latex allergy at least once but I guess it never made the chart (I even asked about the monitor pads in ICU...). Pray for her continued strengthening so that she is able to get up and do more!
Okay, what is a blog without a controversial post now and then (see, I really should have left this in GoogleDocs). It has been suggested that we follow James 5:14-15 and have the elders anoint Gretchen. This creates a quandary. I suspect our elders are hesitant about anointing for sickness and, if it were to be done, I believe the context indicates it should be the elders in authority over us (the elders of our congregation) so that rules out having someone else do it. Should we violate the authority of our elders for this (I won't stop someone from anointing Gretchen but unless my heart changes I won't ask for it either)? There are only two places in Scripture that I can find that reference anointing for healing, Mark 6:13 (the disciples cast out demons, anointed the sick with oil and healed them) and James 5:14-15 but there are many instances where people were healed without any mention of oil. Besides, James 5:15 clearly indicates that it is the prayer of faith that will save the sick (there is some discussion over whether "save" means heal or save).
So, I am comfortable believing that God will (or will not - I am trying to fully submit to his will in spite of my desires) heal Gretchen, regardless of whether or not she is anointed with oil. Am I right? Am I wrong? Pray for my wisdom (and continued strength).
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
August 29, 2012
I admit that I am not spending as much time as I want in God's Word but that is just one of many things I don't spend enough time doing.
Well, according to her neurosurgeon via the hospitalist there is no reason for Gretchen to stay in intermediate care so as soon as a bed becomes available she will be moved to "the floor". That was the good news for the day.
I had to go in at my normal time today because we needed to move a bunch of PCs downtown and they wanted to do it first thing. I stopped by the hospital around 7:00 and Gretchen was sleeping (was there any question). I noticed by the board that she was running a slight fever so I let her sleep. I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her, sat down in the chair next to the bed (where I could watch her) and prayed with/for her. When I finished I got up, kissed her forehead, and headed for the office. (if it weren't for the prayer reference this could be the makings of a love ballad from the late '60s)
I decided to "take a lunch break" on the way back from town and stop by and see Gretchen (okay, it was 9:30 so I took an early lunch). I am glad that I did. She was awake and conversant. We talked for quite a while. Mostly I told her things and she commented on them (sounding vaguely like some of my smart-alack comments - we've been married a while...). At one point she told me about some pain she was having, sort of head, neck, back. I mentioned it to the nurse and when she came in she asked Gretchen if she was having pain and Gretchen said "not really." Based on some comments that Gretchen has made, that didn't really seem to make sense, I am wondering if there is a world in her mind in which all these people in blue and maroon scrubs are out to get her. When she is fully alert I think that world recedes but when first waking or when in pain it may be harder to tell the two worlds apart.
The hospitalist called me at work to talk about her moving out of IMCU. He expressed concern about her alertness and said she may need a feeding tube long term if she can't stay alert long enough to take enough nourishment. They are going to switch her to a narrower tube for a week or two to see how it goes. If she doesn't improve they may need to surgically implant a feeding tube (Gretchen WON'T like that). He also mentioned that if she isn't alert and strong enough she might need to go to a nursing home before therapy. I am debating when to tell Gretchen about these two "threats" because if she is able she will prevent both things from happening. Pray for her alertness and strength.
Peter seems to be rising to the occasion. He doesn't always get everything done but he always has some surprise. Today he did a bunch of weeding out front and found some baby plants that Gretchen will be glad to hear about.
I, on the other hand, am beginning to get overwhelmed. My only Bible reading of late is at night with Peter. I only spend an hour or two with Gretchen, housework is only the essentials, Peter fends for himself for two meals a day (good thing he and Gretchen were reading The Treasure Seekers and he and I discovered The Rifleman on Hulu, he just sees it as an adventure), and I still haven't worked a full day at the office since Gretchen went into the hospital. I now know why God burned Philippians 4:13 into my brain back on August 12. If he hadn't it would have been harder not to give up.
Well, according to her neurosurgeon via the hospitalist there is no reason for Gretchen to stay in intermediate care so as soon as a bed becomes available she will be moved to "the floor". That was the good news for the day.
I had to go in at my normal time today because we needed to move a bunch of PCs downtown and they wanted to do it first thing. I stopped by the hospital around 7:00 and Gretchen was sleeping (was there any question). I noticed by the board that she was running a slight fever so I let her sleep. I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her, sat down in the chair next to the bed (where I could watch her) and prayed with/for her. When I finished I got up, kissed her forehead, and headed for the office. (if it weren't for the prayer reference this could be the makings of a love ballad from the late '60s)
I decided to "take a lunch break" on the way back from town and stop by and see Gretchen (okay, it was 9:30 so I took an early lunch). I am glad that I did. She was awake and conversant. We talked for quite a while. Mostly I told her things and she commented on them (sounding vaguely like some of my smart-alack comments - we've been married a while...). At one point she told me about some pain she was having, sort of head, neck, back. I mentioned it to the nurse and when she came in she asked Gretchen if she was having pain and Gretchen said "not really." Based on some comments that Gretchen has made, that didn't really seem to make sense, I am wondering if there is a world in her mind in which all these people in blue and maroon scrubs are out to get her. When she is fully alert I think that world recedes but when first waking or when in pain it may be harder to tell the two worlds apart.
The hospitalist called me at work to talk about her moving out of IMCU. He expressed concern about her alertness and said she may need a feeding tube long term if she can't stay alert long enough to take enough nourishment. They are going to switch her to a narrower tube for a week or two to see how it goes. If she doesn't improve they may need to surgically implant a feeding tube (Gretchen WON'T like that). He also mentioned that if she isn't alert and strong enough she might need to go to a nursing home before therapy. I am debating when to tell Gretchen about these two "threats" because if she is able she will prevent both things from happening. Pray for her alertness and strength.
Peter seems to be rising to the occasion. He doesn't always get everything done but he always has some surprise. Today he did a bunch of weeding out front and found some baby plants that Gretchen will be glad to hear about.
I, on the other hand, am beginning to get overwhelmed. My only Bible reading of late is at night with Peter. I only spend an hour or two with Gretchen, housework is only the essentials, Peter fends for himself for two meals a day (good thing he and Gretchen were reading The Treasure Seekers and he and I discovered The Rifleman on Hulu, he just sees it as an adventure), and I still haven't worked a full day at the office since Gretchen went into the hospital. I now know why God burned Philippians 4:13 into my brain back on August 12. If he hadn't it would have been harder not to give up.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
August 28, 2012
It never felt so good to be unknown!
Let me start by saying that I may have bit off more than I could chew this week and past weekend (or maybe Peter has been dawdling while getting around) because I am tired!
I got a call at 6:30 this morning asking permission to do the 4 vessel arteriogram (or angiogram, I've heard both). They wanted to make sure that I understood what was going to happen and I told them this was the second one so I felt pretty good about it. I asked when it was scheduled for and told them I was going to stop by and see her on my way to work. They said I should have time.
I got there later than I had planned and her nurse was getting her ready to go (they were going to do the daily CT scan while she was down there). Gretchen was awake so the nurse pointed at me and asked who this man was that just came in. Gretchen looked at me, looked back at the nurse and said "I have no clue." I was about to panic when she broke into the biggest grin I have seen in a long time! Her voice is still weak and you have to listen closely but she has become quite conversant.
When I got back there in the afternoon the nurse was in there again and asked the same question. Gretchen paused a long time and then broke into a bigger grin than she did in the morning. We all laughed.
They didn't find anything in the scan or arteriogram of Gretchen's brain (just getting her back for this morning). No new fluid in the brain and no sign of aneurism. Now we just wait for the MRI to find out the doctors are clueless, I mean don't know what caused it.
The afternoon visit was very good. I arrived right on time and had a bit of time with Gretchen before her sister brought Peter down. We talked a bit but I was expecting her to be asleep (that's what she always did before) so I was trying to log in on my computer so I could work. We would talk a bit and then it would look like she drifted off before she could answer so I would turn around to do something on my computer and she would answer me. So I would have to come back to the bedside and ask her to repeat herself. I decided I wasn't going to get any work done so I launched plan B. I had stuck a Cecilia Bartoli CD in my laptop before I headed out so I started playing it. For those of you who don't know the history here, Cecilia Bartoli is a famous Mezzo-Soprano. At the time when we were becoming familiar with her Gretchen's hair was in similar ring curls to Cecilia's so we kidded Gretchen that they were really sisters (Gretchen is also a Mezzo). Gretchen couldn't remember Cecilia's name so I told her that it is someone that Gretchen sounded a bit like and looked a bit like, to which Gretchen responded "and did I like that?" (I can't believe it, she's lying in a hospital bed looking for flattery).
Given how tired I am these days, God is providing the encouragement that I need right now. While we were listening, Caro Mio Ben came on. Gretchen's sister started to sing along and then Gretchen joined in as well (weakly, but she did join in). Unfortunately, she got the composer wrong (how many of you knew it was Giordani - how many even knew there was a Giordani?).
Almost forgot, Gretchen sat on the edge of the bed today! When I heard that I told her that before long she'd be walking out of there.
Continue to pray for her recovery but offer up praise for how far she has come in such a short time (well, it feels short when the plans you've made keep getting changed because she keeps improving).
Pray for me tomorrow. I have a busy day at the office (have to be in at my normal time unless something bad happens) and probably won't get to spend much time with her tomorrow.
Pray for the people in ICU (both the patients and the families). It is a hard and lonely place when you don't know if your loved one is going to make it. Many do not have a saving knowledge of Christ and so they lack the comfort and assurance that I had (and I still battled fear - would that I had Peter's faith, it is as absolute as a child's faith but it seems deeper to me - I have no clue what we did, except pray).
Let me start by saying that I may have bit off more than I could chew this week and past weekend (or maybe Peter has been dawdling while getting around) because I am tired!
I got a call at 6:30 this morning asking permission to do the 4 vessel arteriogram (or angiogram, I've heard both). They wanted to make sure that I understood what was going to happen and I told them this was the second one so I felt pretty good about it. I asked when it was scheduled for and told them I was going to stop by and see her on my way to work. They said I should have time.
I got there later than I had planned and her nurse was getting her ready to go (they were going to do the daily CT scan while she was down there). Gretchen was awake so the nurse pointed at me and asked who this man was that just came in. Gretchen looked at me, looked back at the nurse and said "I have no clue." I was about to panic when she broke into the biggest grin I have seen in a long time! Her voice is still weak and you have to listen closely but she has become quite conversant.
When I got back there in the afternoon the nurse was in there again and asked the same question. Gretchen paused a long time and then broke into a bigger grin than she did in the morning. We all laughed.
They didn't find anything in the scan or arteriogram of Gretchen's brain (just getting her back for this morning). No new fluid in the brain and no sign of aneurism. Now we just wait for the MRI to find out the doctors are clueless, I mean don't know what caused it.
The afternoon visit was very good. I arrived right on time and had a bit of time with Gretchen before her sister brought Peter down. We talked a bit but I was expecting her to be asleep (that's what she always did before) so I was trying to log in on my computer so I could work. We would talk a bit and then it would look like she drifted off before she could answer so I would turn around to do something on my computer and she would answer me. So I would have to come back to the bedside and ask her to repeat herself. I decided I wasn't going to get any work done so I launched plan B. I had stuck a Cecilia Bartoli CD in my laptop before I headed out so I started playing it. For those of you who don't know the history here, Cecilia Bartoli is a famous Mezzo-Soprano. At the time when we were becoming familiar with her Gretchen's hair was in similar ring curls to Cecilia's so we kidded Gretchen that they were really sisters (Gretchen is also a Mezzo). Gretchen couldn't remember Cecilia's name so I told her that it is someone that Gretchen sounded a bit like and looked a bit like, to which Gretchen responded "and did I like that?" (I can't believe it, she's lying in a hospital bed looking for flattery).
Given how tired I am these days, God is providing the encouragement that I need right now. While we were listening, Caro Mio Ben came on. Gretchen's sister started to sing along and then Gretchen joined in as well (weakly, but she did join in). Unfortunately, she got the composer wrong (how many of you knew it was Giordani - how many even knew there was a Giordani?).
Almost forgot, Gretchen sat on the edge of the bed today! When I heard that I told her that before long she'd be walking out of there.
Continue to pray for her recovery but offer up praise for how far she has come in such a short time (well, it feels short when the plans you've made keep getting changed because she keeps improving).
Pray for me tomorrow. I have a busy day at the office (have to be in at my normal time unless something bad happens) and probably won't get to spend much time with her tomorrow.
Pray for the people in ICU (both the patients and the families). It is a hard and lonely place when you don't know if your loved one is going to make it. Many do not have a saving knowledge of Christ and so they lack the comfort and assurance that I had (and I still battled fear - would that I had Peter's faith, it is as absolute as a child's faith but it seems deeper to me - I have no clue what we did, except pray).
Monday, August 27, 2012
August 27, 2012
Wow!
I stopped in before work today and got to see her neurosurgeon. Gretchen wasn't very responsive but she was responsive enough that he wasn't concerned. Looks like she will be getting a 4 vessel arteriogram in the next couple days to confirm there isn't an aneurism. He did say that we should let Gretchen know when we arrive and if she wakes up try to interact with her. She did wake a bit for me and tried to talk but couldn't get much out.
I learned why she couldn't speak much when I came back in the afternoon. The speech pathologist arrived while we were there and did some cleaning of Gretchen's mouth. warning, the next two sentences are a bit gross - but not nearly as gross as Peter's description (unless you are a fisherman) There was a lot of dead skin in her mouth but the real problem was some gunk in the back of her mouth. I suspect it was drainage from her nose and don't see how she could breath around that glob let alone speak.
After a good mouth cleaning the speech pathologist took a small amount of water in a spoon and put it in Gretchen's mouth. It was slow, but SHE SWALLOWED!!!! The speech pathologist recommended that we interact with Gretchen as much as possible when she is awake, even if it is just looking at us or squeezing our hands. Every little bit helps. She also recommended encouraging Gretchen to sing, even if it is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I guess I need to find all those pieces she loves to sing to and get them to her room.
Gretchen's parents visited her this evening and she was more alert and interactive than she had been in over a week.
All-in-all I think we hit another milestone today and re-hit the interaction milestone. Now the real work begins...
I stopped in before work today and got to see her neurosurgeon. Gretchen wasn't very responsive but she was responsive enough that he wasn't concerned. Looks like she will be getting a 4 vessel arteriogram in the next couple days to confirm there isn't an aneurism. He did say that we should let Gretchen know when we arrive and if she wakes up try to interact with her. She did wake a bit for me and tried to talk but couldn't get much out.
I learned why she couldn't speak much when I came back in the afternoon. The speech pathologist arrived while we were there and did some cleaning of Gretchen's mouth. warning, the next two sentences are a bit gross - but not nearly as gross as Peter's description (unless you are a fisherman) There was a lot of dead skin in her mouth but the real problem was some gunk in the back of her mouth. I suspect it was drainage from her nose and don't see how she could breath around that glob let alone speak.
After a good mouth cleaning the speech pathologist took a small amount of water in a spoon and put it in Gretchen's mouth. It was slow, but SHE SWALLOWED!!!! The speech pathologist recommended that we interact with Gretchen as much as possible when she is awake, even if it is just looking at us or squeezing our hands. Every little bit helps. She also recommended encouraging Gretchen to sing, even if it is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I guess I need to find all those pieces she loves to sing to and get them to her room.
Gretchen's parents visited her this evening and she was more alert and interactive than she had been in over a week.
All-in-all I think we hit another milestone today and re-hit the interaction milestone. Now the real work begins...
Sunday, August 26, 2012
August 26, 2012
Rest, sweet rest
The rest that Gretchen has been receiving appears to be helping. She was awake for her sister and a near-family member this afternoon. It wasn't long, about 10 minutes, but it was encouraging. I got there later than I had hoped today and Gretchen didn't want to wake up (I didn't push it).
While I was there they took the central line (an IV that goes into one of the larger veins in the chest area) out. Because it needs to not move around they actually hold it in place with stitches and while one of the stitches were being removed Gretchen reacted to the pain vocally, by starting to reach to stop it, and with tears. Other than that she just rested.
They are stopping the antibiotics to see if she has "antibiotic fever" while they wait for the most recent specimens to be cultured. Please continue to pray about this and her alertness.
Now that we can be with her all the time it is harder for me to divide myself (as my last post shows). Please continue to pray for me in this regard. Also pray for my rest, I am over tired right now and having a hard time. I feel like I need to see the doctor so I am going to try to get to the hospital early and stay as long as I can tomorrow and maybe again on Tuesday. I am still waiting to ask Gretchen about what visitors she wants and how often.
Pray for Peter as he sorts out how to best help and protect his mother. He knows that his mother can be a "mama grizzly" when provoked and he has seen the stirrings of the papa grizzly (yes, we know that analogy breaks down there but just imagine if papa grizzlies did stick around to protect the family) in me when people have challenged my authority in Gretchen's care. It is hard to take the grizzly cub seriously but he does care for her as deeply as she does for him he just needs to learn which battles he needs to fight.
In my various readings I keep being reminded that though we are in this world our citizenship is in the Kingdom of Heaven much in the same way that Peter and I are Washingtonians (I would say Seattlites but that sounds a bit spacey). We love being here in Chattanooga and are content here but we both know (he expressed it to me before I confessed it) that we will never be Chattanoogans. It is times like these when I am drained that I long for the rest that will only come in that Heavenly City. Then I remember what Paul said in Philippians 1:25 (Nevertheless, to remain in the flesh is more needful for you) and I ask Him for the strength to continue. I am continuing in the belief that when I read that verse the first night that I took over reading to Peter before bed God was reassuring me that she would remain with us.
The rest that Gretchen has been receiving appears to be helping. She was awake for her sister and a near-family member this afternoon. It wasn't long, about 10 minutes, but it was encouraging. I got there later than I had hoped today and Gretchen didn't want to wake up (I didn't push it).
While I was there they took the central line (an IV that goes into one of the larger veins in the chest area) out. Because it needs to not move around they actually hold it in place with stitches and while one of the stitches were being removed Gretchen reacted to the pain vocally, by starting to reach to stop it, and with tears. Other than that she just rested.
They are stopping the antibiotics to see if she has "antibiotic fever" while they wait for the most recent specimens to be cultured. Please continue to pray about this and her alertness.
Now that we can be with her all the time it is harder for me to divide myself (as my last post shows). Please continue to pray for me in this regard. Also pray for my rest, I am over tired right now and having a hard time. I feel like I need to see the doctor so I am going to try to get to the hospital early and stay as long as I can tomorrow and maybe again on Tuesday. I am still waiting to ask Gretchen about what visitors she wants and how often.
Pray for Peter as he sorts out how to best help and protect his mother. He knows that his mother can be a "mama grizzly" when provoked and he has seen the stirrings of the papa grizzly (yes, we know that analogy breaks down there but just imagine if papa grizzlies did stick around to protect the family) in me when people have challenged my authority in Gretchen's care. It is hard to take the grizzly cub seriously but he does care for her as deeply as she does for him he just needs to learn which battles he needs to fight.
In my various readings I keep being reminded that though we are in this world our citizenship is in the Kingdom of Heaven much in the same way that Peter and I are Washingtonians (I would say Seattlites but that sounds a bit spacey). We love being here in Chattanooga and are content here but we both know (he expressed it to me before I confessed it) that we will never be Chattanoogans. It is times like these when I am drained that I long for the rest that will only come in that Heavenly City. Then I remember what Paul said in Philippians 1:25 (Nevertheless, to remain in the flesh is more needful for you) and I ask Him for the strength to continue. I am continuing in the belief that when I read that verse the first night that I took over reading to Peter before bed God was reassuring me that she would remain with us.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
August 25, 2012
Do I pawn off my child on everyone else and spend every available minute with the most important person in my life or do I build as normal a life as I can for my son and leave my wife to someone else?
Peter and I visited Gretchen on the way up to do the Brook Trout work (yes, we decided to go even though we didn't get enough sleep). We had good day. There were a bunch of kids (younger than Peter) who were probably helping with the stocking so Peter decided to help survey Sugar Cove Branch. He was confirmed in that decision when I told him that I helped stock Brook Trout in Sugar Cove Branch almost 20 years ago.
Unfortunately, because I was seeing to the needs of my son I missed talking to the doctor about Gretchen. I found out moments ago that Gretchen was unresponsive this morning when they tried to do Physical Therapy. I also found out that her neurosurgeon stopped in and the CT scan showed no change (in a good way) and that he is considering putting a new drain in. That concerns me because the last time he spoke with me he said they may have to put it back in but I got the impression it was if things got worse. On top of everything else, she is still battling a fever and her white count is elevated. Please keep her in prayer!
So, where is the balance point? God has entrusted Gretchen and me with raising Peter to be a Godly man. Gretchen has done most of the work and has done it admirably (anyone care to challenge me on that?). God has let Gretchen be unavailable at this point so it is now up to me. And yet, the love of my life, the other half of me, the one that I hope to spend my remaining years with, lies alone in a hospital bed in need of my comfort and encouragement. Do I abandon my wife or do I abandon our son, the work that she has begun? Please keep me in prayer!
Peter and I visited Gretchen on the way up to do the Brook Trout work (yes, we decided to go even though we didn't get enough sleep). We had good day. There were a bunch of kids (younger than Peter) who were probably helping with the stocking so Peter decided to help survey Sugar Cove Branch. He was confirmed in that decision when I told him that I helped stock Brook Trout in Sugar Cove Branch almost 20 years ago.
Unfortunately, because I was seeing to the needs of my son I missed talking to the doctor about Gretchen. I found out moments ago that Gretchen was unresponsive this morning when they tried to do Physical Therapy. I also found out that her neurosurgeon stopped in and the CT scan showed no change (in a good way) and that he is considering putting a new drain in. That concerns me because the last time he spoke with me he said they may have to put it back in but I got the impression it was if things got worse. On top of everything else, she is still battling a fever and her white count is elevated. Please keep her in prayer!
So, where is the balance point? God has entrusted Gretchen and me with raising Peter to be a Godly man. Gretchen has done most of the work and has done it admirably (anyone care to challenge me on that?). God has let Gretchen be unavailable at this point so it is now up to me. And yet, the love of my life, the other half of me, the one that I hope to spend my remaining years with, lies alone in a hospital bed in need of my comfort and encouragement. Do I abandon my wife or do I abandon our son, the work that she has begun? Please keep me in prayer!
Friday, August 24, 2012
August 24, 2012 - OUT OF ICU!
When I really began to experience ICU camaraderie Gretchen moved on.
This will have to be quick because my mother-in-law gave her blessing on Peter and I doing Brook Trout Restoration work tomorrow so we have a lot to do (pray that nothing happens to Gretchen while we are gone or to us while we are up there).
As of 6:00 pm, Gretchen is out of ICU. She has moved to the intermediate care unit. She can have someone with her 24 hours a day. During the day she can have 2 visitors and at night she can have 1 overnight.
Peter and I were visiting in her new room and I noticed that she looked uncomfortable and was scrunching her eyes closed. I asked what was wrong but couldn't understand so I asked if we were making too much noise. As soon as we got it sorted out the nurse came and then the patient care technician came in and then her parents came in...oops, way too much noise. The nurse and I stepped away to talk while Peter sucked a big nasty gooey thing out of her mouth. Gretchen's nurse wants to hire Peter!
Pray that rest will help Gretchen (that is something she will be able to get more of now). I am hoping that family members who come and visit over the next few days will bring something to quietly occupy themselves instead of trying to get her to talk.
There is an echo-cardiogram scheduled for the weekend and then an arteriogram for next week. I also know that there is another MRI that will be done in about 6 weeks when much of the blood has been absorbed from the brain.
When Gretchen is feeling a bit more communicative I will ask her about other visitors (certain "practically family" would be welcome right now, I am sure - I have told you that when she was in ICU and it goes double now - contact Gretchen's parents or sister to find out where if you would like to go up Saturday). Once she has had some rest and is feeling better I am sure she will welcome visitors (if her vanity doesn't get in the way).
I wanted to talk about some of the people we met through ICU, especially a family from 3 hours away who was traveling through Chattanooga when the wife had an aneurism followed by respiratory problems. The had been staying in a hotel but had just rented a house so they could be close and now they need to let her go. Pray for them, the Ward family. There are so many others to pray for but they are the ones who are hurting the most that I have encountered. I do not know if they are believers or not but one of them did say that they would continue to pray for Gretchen. I hurt for them because there have been times in the last two weeks where I have wondered if I would have to make that decision.
This will have to be quick because my mother-in-law gave her blessing on Peter and I doing Brook Trout Restoration work tomorrow so we have a lot to do (pray that nothing happens to Gretchen while we are gone or to us while we are up there).
As of 6:00 pm, Gretchen is out of ICU. She has moved to the intermediate care unit. She can have someone with her 24 hours a day. During the day she can have 2 visitors and at night she can have 1 overnight.
Peter and I were visiting in her new room and I noticed that she looked uncomfortable and was scrunching her eyes closed. I asked what was wrong but couldn't understand so I asked if we were making too much noise. As soon as we got it sorted out the nurse came and then the patient care technician came in and then her parents came in...oops, way too much noise. The nurse and I stepped away to talk while Peter sucked a big nasty gooey thing out of her mouth. Gretchen's nurse wants to hire Peter!
Pray that rest will help Gretchen (that is something she will be able to get more of now). I am hoping that family members who come and visit over the next few days will bring something to quietly occupy themselves instead of trying to get her to talk.
There is an echo-cardiogram scheduled for the weekend and then an arteriogram for next week. I also know that there is another MRI that will be done in about 6 weeks when much of the blood has been absorbed from the brain.
When Gretchen is feeling a bit more communicative I will ask her about other visitors (certain "practically family" would be welcome right now, I am sure - I have told you that when she was in ICU and it goes double now - contact Gretchen's parents or sister to find out where if you would like to go up Saturday). Once she has had some rest and is feeling better I am sure she will welcome visitors (if her vanity doesn't get in the way).
I wanted to talk about some of the people we met through ICU, especially a family from 3 hours away who was traveling through Chattanooga when the wife had an aneurism followed by respiratory problems. The had been staying in a hotel but had just rented a house so they could be close and now they need to let her go. Pray for them, the Ward family. There are so many others to pray for but they are the ones who are hurting the most that I have encountered. I do not know if they are believers or not but one of them did say that they would continue to pray for Gretchen. I hurt for them because there have been times in the last two weeks where I have wondered if I would have to make that decision.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
August 23, 2012 - 4:00 visit
Encouragement comes from the strangest places.
Today is one of those days when Gretchen just doesn't want to be disturbed. She was sleeping during both my visits today and the nurse said she didn't want to answer questions (talk) during several of the neural checks. Both the doctors and nurses feel it is not that she can't do what they ask but that she won't. She does say "ouch" when they do a sternum rub (pressure on the upper end of the breast bone, used on patients to wake them or prisoners to torture them - it hurts!) and they can sometimes talk her into some of the extremity movements (though sometimes she makes them wait until the next time they are in). They pretty much agree that she is probably tired of it and this is her way of dealing with it.
Fever was down below 100 this morning and just above it this afternoon. Somewhat better, just got to wait on the antibiotic to do its magic. The drain site has stopped leaking but they left the pressure bandage on, not sure why its still on but I don't find it a concern. They did an MRI of her head last night and didn't find anything (I've said that after previous MRIs so I instinctively ducked as I typed) which is what we expected. They are continuing to do CT Scans checking the hydrocephalus and hopefully they will be satisfied soon enough and move Gretchen out of ICU so she can get some sleep so she can start recovering.
Peter has been adapting to our new routine. I have been leaving notes of things to do - some that need doing, some that are just suggestions - and he told me tonight that he has plenty to do so I just need to tell him what needs to be done. He gets his own breakfast and lunch, does some work around here, and then takes the dog and heads for his grandparents' house. When I see him at 4:00 he is positively beaming. His mother would be proud and sad at the same time (proud of the way he rises to the occasion, sad that her little boy is growing up so fast).
Work has been good for me. I feel energized after a half day at work (probably because I am back in a realm where I have some clue what I am doing) and ready to take on the house when I get home.
I am truly thankful for all of the encouragement we have received through this. I have met many new brothers and sisters in the Lord and have discovered several acquaintances that are fellow believers. I can safely say that, no matter what happens with this situation, I will continue to rejoice and praise God because of all that I have experienced.
Today is one of those days when Gretchen just doesn't want to be disturbed. She was sleeping during both my visits today and the nurse said she didn't want to answer questions (talk) during several of the neural checks. Both the doctors and nurses feel it is not that she can't do what they ask but that she won't. She does say "ouch" when they do a sternum rub (pressure on the upper end of the breast bone, used on patients to wake them or prisoners to torture them - it hurts!) and they can sometimes talk her into some of the extremity movements (though sometimes she makes them wait until the next time they are in). They pretty much agree that she is probably tired of it and this is her way of dealing with it.
Fever was down below 100 this morning and just above it this afternoon. Somewhat better, just got to wait on the antibiotic to do its magic. The drain site has stopped leaking but they left the pressure bandage on, not sure why its still on but I don't find it a concern. They did an MRI of her head last night and didn't find anything (I've said that after previous MRIs so I instinctively ducked as I typed) which is what we expected. They are continuing to do CT Scans checking the hydrocephalus and hopefully they will be satisfied soon enough and move Gretchen out of ICU so she can get some sleep so she can start recovering.
Peter has been adapting to our new routine. I have been leaving notes of things to do - some that need doing, some that are just suggestions - and he told me tonight that he has plenty to do so I just need to tell him what needs to be done. He gets his own breakfast and lunch, does some work around here, and then takes the dog and heads for his grandparents' house. When I see him at 4:00 he is positively beaming. His mother would be proud and sad at the same time (proud of the way he rises to the occasion, sad that her little boy is growing up so fast).
Work has been good for me. I feel energized after a half day at work (probably because I am back in a realm where I have some clue what I am doing) and ready to take on the house when I get home.
I am truly thankful for all of the encouragement we have received through this. I have met many new brothers and sisters in the Lord and have discovered several acquaintances that are fellow believers. I can safely say that, no matter what happens with this situation, I will continue to rejoice and praise God because of all that I have experienced.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
August 22, 2012 - 4:00 visit
Just time for a short post tonight (well, not really but I will anyway).
Gretchen was out of it for the most part at the 4:00 visit but there was a crowd so she may have been playing opossum. We had a crowd because I went back to work for half a day today. That meant Peter didn't go with me to the 10:00 visit and his grandparents brought him down for the 4:00 visit (they usually only come for 8:30) and we had a couple of other family members as well.
She is still battling a fever. They are treating the UTI and I don't think they had the results of the blood cultures, yet. If they come back negative they will probably take new specimens to culture so they can figure out why the temp is elevated. There was also some leakage where the drain had been (don't know if it was straight blood or if it was from inside the skull). The doctor put a couple more stitches in and the nurses put a pressure bandage on it. They are going to watch it and the CT scans to make sure we are okay.
The case manager asked me if we were considering therapy and if so, where. I told her we were and (playing dumb to get her reaction) said I had heard good things about Siskin. Apparently she wanted me to pick Siskin, both by the reaction on her face and the fact that she never asked if that was what I wanted to go with. I didn't tell her that one friend had told me that if we didn't pick Siskin he would have some serious words with me. Apparently that means she has reached the point where they want to get a baseline so that they can measure her progress.
I removed a paragraph here. It talked about Gretchen being awake yesterday at 10:00. It mentioned something that Gretchen would be horrified to find out that I mentioned (even though I wasn't specific). If you read it please forget it. We can rejoice that she was awake for most of the 20 minutes I was there.
Being back at work today was good but I barely got my email cleared and took care of a couple minor things. It is amazing how many people in my underground bunker haven't heard the details, just the rumors. I don't mind telling people (I actually enjoy talking about what God has done through this) but somebody is paying for me to tell this over and over. (To offset the cost of my repeated explanations could everyone reading this in the TVA area please leave an extra light on 24x7 for the next year to cover my pay)
Well, I have gone on for too long (this is short???). Goodnight and thank you for the prayers and encouragement.
Gretchen was out of it for the most part at the 4:00 visit but there was a crowd so she may have been playing opossum. We had a crowd because I went back to work for half a day today. That meant Peter didn't go with me to the 10:00 visit and his grandparents brought him down for the 4:00 visit (they usually only come for 8:30) and we had a couple of other family members as well.
She is still battling a fever. They are treating the UTI and I don't think they had the results of the blood cultures, yet. If they come back negative they will probably take new specimens to culture so they can figure out why the temp is elevated. There was also some leakage where the drain had been (don't know if it was straight blood or if it was from inside the skull). The doctor put a couple more stitches in and the nurses put a pressure bandage on it. They are going to watch it and the CT scans to make sure we are okay.
The case manager asked me if we were considering therapy and if so, where. I told her we were and (playing dumb to get her reaction) said I had heard good things about Siskin. Apparently she wanted me to pick Siskin, both by the reaction on her face and the fact that she never asked if that was what I wanted to go with. I didn't tell her that one friend had told me that if we didn't pick Siskin he would have some serious words with me. Apparently that means she has reached the point where they want to get a baseline so that they can measure her progress.
I removed a paragraph here. It talked about Gretchen being awake yesterday at 10:00. It mentioned something that Gretchen would be horrified to find out that I mentioned (even though I wasn't specific). If you read it please forget it. We can rejoice that she was awake for most of the 20 minutes I was there.
Being back at work today was good but I barely got my email cleared and took care of a couple minor things. It is amazing how many people in my underground bunker haven't heard the details, just the rumors. I don't mind telling people (I actually enjoy talking about what God has done through this) but somebody is paying for me to tell this over and over. (To offset the cost of my repeated explanations could everyone reading this in the TVA area please leave an extra light on 24x7 for the next year to cover my pay)
Well, I have gone on for too long (this is short???). Goodnight and thank you for the prayers and encouragement.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Just one more thing...
(I always feel like Columbo closing in on the killer when I say that)
I just realized that I have quoted from Philippians a couple times now. It is interesting how that happened. When all this happened, two Sundays ago, the only verse that came to mind was Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). And it stayed with me.
Gretchen and Peter have a tradition of reading at night and part of the reading they do is a chapter (more or less) from the Bible. It was now my turn to pick up the mantle (I do it when we camp, etc. but this was taking over for a while) and I decided to start with Philippians, chapter 1. Paul is writing to the church at Philippi from prison, probably in Rome and possibly facing execution. In about verse 19 Paul starts talking about the pros and cons of his possible death ("to live is Christ, and to die is gain") and says he can't choose between the two. Finally, in verses 24 and 25 he says "Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith." And when I read that (I didn't tell Peter at the time) I strongly felt that I was being told that Gretchen would live because Peter and I both need her for our "progress and joy of faith."
There were many things that Paul wrote to the church at Philippi that ministered to us in this time of need. There were so many good things for us that we decided to read it a second time. Now we are done twice so I will see what new words there are for us tonight.
By the way, at Peter's suggestion we also read Psalm 6 a couple nights ago and it was also helpful.
I just realized that I have quoted from Philippians a couple times now. It is interesting how that happened. When all this happened, two Sundays ago, the only verse that came to mind was Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). And it stayed with me.
Gretchen and Peter have a tradition of reading at night and part of the reading they do is a chapter (more or less) from the Bible. It was now my turn to pick up the mantle (I do it when we camp, etc. but this was taking over for a while) and I decided to start with Philippians, chapter 1. Paul is writing to the church at Philippi from prison, probably in Rome and possibly facing execution. In about verse 19 Paul starts talking about the pros and cons of his possible death ("to live is Christ, and to die is gain") and says he can't choose between the two. Finally, in verses 24 and 25 he says "Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith." And when I read that (I didn't tell Peter at the time) I strongly felt that I was being told that Gretchen would live because Peter and I both need her for our "progress and joy of faith."
There were many things that Paul wrote to the church at Philippi that ministered to us in this time of need. There were so many good things for us that we decided to read it a second time. Now we are done twice so I will see what new words there are for us tonight.
By the way, at Peter's suggestion we also read Psalm 6 a couple nights ago and it was also helpful.
August 21, 2012 - 4:00 visit
THE DRAIN IS OUT!
Yes, that is truly cause for rejoicing! The doctor felt that, although it was still draining slightly, it was time to take the drain out. I am so glad, one less source of infection. They suspect that the elevated temperature is due to a UTI so they are treating in that direction while they wait for final results. Once that is under control and no problems have resulted from the drain removal they will probably move her out of ICU (I think)
They have scheduled an MRI for tomorrow (not sure when). I don't know if this is related to the benign tumor in her brain (probably had it since before birth) or to identify the source of the bleed or both. I eagerly await the results of that, regardless (I am going to lug her historic MRIs around for a couple days, just in case).
Tonight is Scouts night (Peter received his Second Class badge, along with several merit badges, all thanks to Gretchen's help) so I started this while dinner was heating but didn't get back to it until after the report from her parents. I had all sorts of things I was going to talk about but now they are gone, oh well.
The evening report was good (forgot to ask about fever). She wasn't as up as last night but she was in and out and when her father told her about a visit from some family friends the first time she seemed asleep. Her father mentioned it again a bit later when she seemed more alert and she told him that he had already told her about that. I guess we need to watch what we say around her because she seems to be always listening.
If I didn't know Gretchen well enough I would think she was not speaking to me. For the last few days either she hasn't been awake when I was around or she woke up briefly and spoke to Peter while I was away talking to the nurse. I wish I could speak with her but as long as others are I am content that my time will come.
Continue to pray for Gretchen, she is not out of the woods. If she needs to be in ICU I want her to stay there but from what I can see she could use a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Pray for my patience and that I won't lose heart as I try to develop plans.
Pray for Peter and me both as I am going to try to start back to work tomorrow (Wednesday). That means I will do the 10:00 visit without Peter, go to work for half a day, and got the the 4:00 visit. Peter will get up whenever he wakes up (given his recent short nights I hope it will be after I leave), get around, and go over to his grandparents. He is capable of handling all of his morning on his own but this will be the first time he has done it with no one else in the house. Pray for an extra dose of courage for him (he has been saying it would be no problem but saying and doing...).
One more thing to pray about. I need wisdom. This Saturday the Trout Unlimited group that I am involved in is doing their annual Brook Trout monitoring day up on some of the streams around Tellico. Last year Peter helped with the removal of Rainbow Trout from a stream up there and this year they are going to stock it with Southern Appalachian Brook Trout (raised in a facility TU helped with). I don't know if we should do it. It will be an all-day thing so we probably wouldn't visit her at all on Saturday. Much, of course, will depend on her condition but I don't want to neglect her needs for our fun (although it is educational and counts as service work for Scouts) or neglect Peter's needs to go sit in a hospital room and read a book (assuming she isn't in ICU).
Philippians 4:4 - Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say , rejoice!
Yes, that is truly cause for rejoicing! The doctor felt that, although it was still draining slightly, it was time to take the drain out. I am so glad, one less source of infection. They suspect that the elevated temperature is due to a UTI so they are treating in that direction while they wait for final results. Once that is under control and no problems have resulted from the drain removal they will probably move her out of ICU (I think)
They have scheduled an MRI for tomorrow (not sure when). I don't know if this is related to the benign tumor in her brain (probably had it since before birth) or to identify the source of the bleed or both. I eagerly await the results of that, regardless (I am going to lug her historic MRIs around for a couple days, just in case).
Tonight is Scouts night (Peter received his Second Class badge, along with several merit badges, all thanks to Gretchen's help) so I started this while dinner was heating but didn't get back to it until after the report from her parents. I had all sorts of things I was going to talk about but now they are gone, oh well.
The evening report was good (forgot to ask about fever). She wasn't as up as last night but she was in and out and when her father told her about a visit from some family friends the first time she seemed asleep. Her father mentioned it again a bit later when she seemed more alert and she told him that he had already told her about that. I guess we need to watch what we say around her because she seems to be always listening.
If I didn't know Gretchen well enough I would think she was not speaking to me. For the last few days either she hasn't been awake when I was around or she woke up briefly and spoke to Peter while I was away talking to the nurse. I wish I could speak with her but as long as others are I am content that my time will come.
Continue to pray for Gretchen, she is not out of the woods. If she needs to be in ICU I want her to stay there but from what I can see she could use a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Pray for my patience and that I won't lose heart as I try to develop plans.
Pray for Peter and me both as I am going to try to start back to work tomorrow (Wednesday). That means I will do the 10:00 visit without Peter, go to work for half a day, and got the the 4:00 visit. Peter will get up whenever he wakes up (given his recent short nights I hope it will be after I leave), get around, and go over to his grandparents. He is capable of handling all of his morning on his own but this will be the first time he has done it with no one else in the house. Pray for an extra dose of courage for him (he has been saying it would be no problem but saying and doing...).
One more thing to pray about. I need wisdom. This Saturday the Trout Unlimited group that I am involved in is doing their annual Brook Trout monitoring day up on some of the streams around Tellico. Last year Peter helped with the removal of Rainbow Trout from a stream up there and this year they are going to stock it with Southern Appalachian Brook Trout (raised in a facility TU helped with). I don't know if we should do it. It will be an all-day thing so we probably wouldn't visit her at all on Saturday. Much, of course, will depend on her condition but I don't want to neglect her needs for our fun (although it is educational and counts as service work for Scouts) or neglect Peter's needs to go sit in a hospital room and read a book (assuming she isn't in ICU).
Philippians 4:4 - Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say , rejoice!
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